Funniest Line Throwdown: Round One

Due to the enthusiastic response to last week's nomination opening, this throwndown is turning into a two-parter.  Today there will be two polls to vote on, and the polls will be up through Saturday. Then on Monday the 28th, the winners of those polls will go against each other to determine the final Winning Quote.  The result will be posted Saturday May 3rd.

Without further ado, here are the lines we'll be voting on-- and to answer someone's question, if you made a nomination you are certainly still welcome to vote now. :)

Please read through this post first, as it has all the complete quotes, and where you vote on the sidebar, they will be condensed for the sake of space.

Poll One: 

#1:  "An unhappy alternative is before you, Elizabeth. From this day you must be a stranger to one of your parents. Your mother will never see you again if you do not marry Mr Collins... and I will never see you again if you do." ~Mr. Bennet

#2: "Ah, you look very well, Lizzy! You will never be as pretty as your sister Jane, but I will say you look very well indeed." ~Mrs. Bennet

#3:  Bingley: Then... I have your blessing?
       Darcy: Do you need my blessing?

#4: "Oh, Mr Bennet!" ~Mrs. Bennet

#5:  Maria Lucas: Lizzy! Lizzy! Come into the dining room, for there is such a sight to be seen! Make haste!
       Lizzy: Is this all? I thought at least that the pigs had got into the garden!

#6: "Shelves in the closet!  Happy thought indeed."  ~Elizabeth

#7: "No one knows what I suffer with my nerves. But then I never complain!" ~Mrs. Bennet

#8: "You will never play really well, Miss Bennet, unless you practice more." ~Lady Catherine

#9:  "I'll tell you what I'll do. I shall write to Mr Bingley, informing him that I have five daughters, and he’s welcome to any of them that he chooses. They're all silly and ignorant like other girls; well, Lizzy has a little more wit than the rest." ~Mr. Bennet

#10: "But then, he may *prefer* a stupid wife, as others have done before him." ~Mr. Bennet (Sort of a continuation of the quote above.)

#11: "No lace, no lace, Mrs. Bennet, I beg you!" ~Mr. Bennet

#12: Darcy: And where are you staying?
       Elizabeth: At the inn at Lambton.
       Darcy: Ah, yes, of course.  (Also known as "Ohyesocourse.")

Poll Two: 

1) Elizabeth: We each have an unsocial, taciturn disposition, unwilling to speak unless we expect to say something that will amaze the whole room.
   Darcy: This is no very striking resemblance of your own character, I am sure.

2) "You mistake me, my dear. I have a high respect for your nerves. They’ve been my old friends these twenty years at least." ~Mr. Bennet

3)  "Resignation is never so perfect as when the blessing denied begins to lose some part of its value in our estimation." ~Mr. Collins

4) "It is a very handsome building, and prettily situated, sir. And by no means lacking in windows." ~Elizabeth

5) "You take delight in vexing me! You have no compassion on my poor nerves!"

6) "There are few people in England, I suppose, who have more true enjoyment in music than
myself, or a better taste. And if I had ever learnt, I should be a true proficient. And so would Anne!” ~Lady Catherine

7) Mrs. Gardiner: And just as handsome as in his portrait, though perhaps a little less formally attired.
    Elizabeth: Oh, we must leave here at once!

8) "You must tell him what a dreadful state I'm in. How I have such tremblings and flutterings all over me, such spasms in my side, and pains in my head, and beatings at heart, that I can get no rest either night or day!" ~Mrs. Bennet

9) Elizabeth: Yes, ’tis truly a very cruel deprivation. Indeed, I hardly know how I shall bear the loss of Lady Catherine’s company.
    Mr Collins: You feel it keenly! Yes, of course you do, my poor young cousin!

10) "May I ask whether these pleasing attentions proceed from the impulse of the moment, or are they the result of previous study?" ~Mr. Bennet

11) "And now the mother! Are we to be invaded by every Bennet in the country? It's too much to
be borne!" ~Caroline Bingley