Funniest Lines Throwdown: Winner!

The people have spoken (er, voted) and the funniest line in P&P95 is...

"An unhappy alternative is before you, Elizabeth. From this day you must be a stranger to one of your parents. Your mother will never see you again if you do not marry Mr Collins... and I will never see you again if you do."

~Mr. Bennet, episode 2

Hip hip hooray and a big thank-you to everyone who voted!

Funniest Line Throwdown: Round Two

We are delighted to see that the Funniest Line throwdown seems to be going rather well-- thank you to all who participated in the polling last week!  Our Final Four quotes have been chosen, and humorously enough, three of the four come from Mr. Bennet.  The man is witty indeed.  :D  Please vote in the poll on the sidebar for your favorite (one vote per visitor, please) and come back on Saturday for the announcement of the winner!  In the meantime we hope to have a fun little surprise for you appearing on the blog, so keep a lookout.   :D

#1:  "An unhappy alternative is before you, Elizabeth. From this day you must be a stranger to one of your parents. Your mother will never see you again if you do not marry Mr Collins... and I will never see you again if you do." ~Mr. Bennet

#2:  "Shelves in the closet!  Happy thought indeed."  ~Elizabeth

#3:  "You mistake me, my dear. I have a high respect for your nerves. They’ve been my old friends these twenty years at least." ~Mr. Bennet

#4:  "May I ask whether these pleasing attentions proceed from the impulse of the moment, or are they the result of previous study?" ~Mr. Bennet

Funniest Line Throwdown: Round One

Due to the enthusiastic response to last week's nomination opening, this throwndown is turning into a two-parter.  Today there will be two polls to vote on, and the polls will be up through Saturday. Then on Monday the 28th, the winners of those polls will go against each other to determine the final Winning Quote.  The result will be posted Saturday May 3rd.

Without further ado, here are the lines we'll be voting on-- and to answer someone's question, if you made a nomination you are certainly still welcome to vote now. :)

Please read through this post first, as it has all the complete quotes, and where you vote on the sidebar, they will be condensed for the sake of space.

Poll One: 

#1:  "An unhappy alternative is before you, Elizabeth. From this day you must be a stranger to one of your parents. Your mother will never see you again if you do not marry Mr Collins... and I will never see you again if you do." ~Mr. Bennet

#2: "Ah, you look very well, Lizzy! You will never be as pretty as your sister Jane, but I will say you look very well indeed." ~Mrs. Bennet

#3:  Bingley: Then... I have your blessing?
       Darcy: Do you need my blessing?

#4: "Oh, Mr Bennet!" ~Mrs. Bennet

#5:  Maria Lucas: Lizzy! Lizzy! Come into the dining room, for there is such a sight to be seen! Make haste!
       Lizzy: Is this all? I thought at least that the pigs had got into the garden!

#6: "Shelves in the closet!  Happy thought indeed."  ~Elizabeth

#7: "No one knows what I suffer with my nerves. But then I never complain!" ~Mrs. Bennet

#8: "You will never play really well, Miss Bennet, unless you practice more." ~Lady Catherine

#9:  "I'll tell you what I'll do. I shall write to Mr Bingley, informing him that I have five daughters, and he’s welcome to any of them that he chooses. They're all silly and ignorant like other girls; well, Lizzy has a little more wit than the rest." ~Mr. Bennet

#10: "But then, he may *prefer* a stupid wife, as others have done before him." ~Mr. Bennet (Sort of a continuation of the quote above.)

#11: "No lace, no lace, Mrs. Bennet, I beg you!" ~Mr. Bennet

#12: Darcy: And where are you staying?
       Elizabeth: At the inn at Lambton.
       Darcy: Ah, yes, of course.  (Also known as "Ohyesocourse.")

Poll Two: 

1) Elizabeth: We each have an unsocial, taciturn disposition, unwilling to speak unless we expect to say something that will amaze the whole room.
   Darcy: This is no very striking resemblance of your own character, I am sure.

2) "You mistake me, my dear. I have a high respect for your nerves. They’ve been my old friends these twenty years at least." ~Mr. Bennet

3)  "Resignation is never so perfect as when the blessing denied begins to lose some part of its value in our estimation." ~Mr. Collins

4) "It is a very handsome building, and prettily situated, sir. And by no means lacking in windows." ~Elizabeth

5) "You take delight in vexing me! You have no compassion on my poor nerves!"

6) "There are few people in England, I suppose, who have more true enjoyment in music than
myself, or a better taste. And if I had ever learnt, I should be a true proficient. And so would Anne!” ~Lady Catherine

7) Mrs. Gardiner: And just as handsome as in his portrait, though perhaps a little less formally attired.
    Elizabeth: Oh, we must leave here at once!

8) "You must tell him what a dreadful state I'm in. How I have such tremblings and flutterings all over me, such spasms in my side, and pains in my head, and beatings at heart, that I can get no rest either night or day!" ~Mrs. Bennet

9) Elizabeth: Yes, ’tis truly a very cruel deprivation. Indeed, I hardly know how I shall bear the loss of Lady Catherine’s company.
    Mr Collins: You feel it keenly! Yes, of course you do, my poor young cousin!

10) "May I ask whether these pleasing attentions proceed from the impulse of the moment, or are they the result of previous study?" ~Mr. Bennet

11) "And now the mother! Are we to be invaded by every Bennet in the country? It's too much to
be borne!" ~Caroline Bingley

Funniest Line in the Movie: Throwdown Nominations

It's tiiiiiiiime for another throwdown here on the P&P95Forever Club!  Miss Marianne and I have been rather absent from the Club of late, we know (though we HAVE been together in real life, for two weeks in fact, and it was just as amazing as we'd hoped) but we're hoping to make a stunning comeback over the next couple of months.  So here's to new games and new fun and new posts and a whole sequence of continual delights!

Our get-back-in-the-game activity is to be a throwdown-- and we need your help!  Simply leave a comment nominating your favorite funny line of dialogue in P&P95.  We'll collect all the nominations and post a poll on Monday, April 21st for everyone to vote in.

Some guidelines...
~Please submit no more than three separate nominations.
~All nominations must be kept to no more than two exchanges-- that is, Character A says such and such and Character B says so and so, end of exchange.  Big chunks of dialogue will not be accepted.  One-liners are ideal.  :D
~Submissions must be from P&P95.  Obviously.  :P
~You can check the transcribed screenplay here to make sure your quotes are accurate (keep in mind that this script is not an authorized copy and is not entirely perfect).
~If a quote is submitted twice, we will list it only once in the poll.
~Have fun!

Yuletide Contest Winner!

The Misses Dashwood wish you a very merry Christmas and a happy New Year, and are pleased to announce that the winner of the Yuletide Story Contest is...

Apple Blossom!

Congratulations to her and her writing muse.  :D  Here is her story in its entirety, for your enjoyment.

*

It is not to be expected that Mr. Darcy would enjoy a Christmas similar to the Bennets.  Frequent entertainment did not amuse him and since his sister readily fell in with his plans, it was easy to persuade her to spend a quiet Christmas at Pemberley with him.  Lady Catherine de Bourgh's command to spend Christmas at Rosings went unheeded but both Darcys warmly welcomed Colonel Fitzwilliam to stay for a fortnight.
Georgiana, who had not been in her joint guardian's company since November, eagerly called on him to share all his news.
“For I am sure,” said she, “That since my brother and I have been in London, a great deal must have happened in Derbyshire.”
Colonel Fitzwilliam disclaimed knowledge of any important events occurring in Derbyshire but was able to recollect that Henry Sempill had enlisted into the army and his mother, Mrs. Sempill, felt herself to be very ill used.
“I regret that is all the news of interest which I can offer to you,” he lamented.  “Darcy, surely you are able to regale us with stories from your time in Hertfordshire? I don't believe I have heard you speak more than two sentences about your stay there and yet when I saw Bingley, he could not stop praising the place and the people there.”
“There is nothing to tell,” replied Darcy. “I found nothing of interest in either the place or the people.”
The Colonel was undeterred.
“Doing it much too brown, Darcy!  You cannot make away with a whole district like that.  Don't be so abominably high in the instep.  Miss Caroline Bingley was with her brother when I saw him and she said you were much taken with a pair of “fine eyes” but beyond that she would say no more.  Now Darcy, I insist.  Whose “fine eyes” are these that you must be so secretive about them?”
“Miss Bingley should be able to tell you as
 appears to know all about it.”
“That's too bad of you, Darcy.  Too smoky by half!” He would have continued in this vein but seeing Georgiana's worried look, desisted. Darcy made no reply to his comment and there was a brief silence.
It was fortunate that the butler appeared and announced dinner at that moment, before any embarrassment could be felt between the parties.  Whilst Colonel Fitzwilliam's natural talkativeness was unabated, Georgiana's timidness and Darcy's reserve made it a quiet meal.  The turkey was duly admired and the plum pudding praised but beyond that, the conversation did not proceed.  However when Georgiana retired to the drawing room after dinner whilst the gentlemen drank their port, the Colonel returned to his original subject.
“Darcy, there is nothing serious in this “fine eyes” business, is there?”
“None, I assure you.”
“It must be Miss Bingley exaggerating again.  Well, Darcy, when you are inclined towards matrimony, I beg that you would pay no heed to the lures of Caroline Bingley for she is determined to bring you to the altar!”
“Of that, I am aware,” replied Darcy imperturbably.  “I have no intention of obliging her in that respect so you may put your mind at rest.”
“Quite so! You're a sensible fellow,  Darcy.  I believe you would have us all be as sensible as yourself when it comes to marriage.”
“As to that,” returned Mr. Darcy, “I have indeed, recently had the great fortune of rescuing a young friend from the inconveniences of an imprudent marriage.  There were some very strong objections to the lady involved and I congratulate myself on being able to free my friend for the marriage would have been a failure indeed.”
“Well,” Colonel Fitzwilliam said as he placed his empty glass on the table, “It seems you are a most loyal friend, indeed, Darcy.  I only hope you will be as helpful to me if ever I am in such a situation.”  The last sentence was spoken laughingly and both gentlemen rose from the table in a good humour.
Being Christmas, there was a roaring fire in the drawing room fueled by a large yule log. Georgiana and Mrs. Reynolds had hung wreaths of holly, ivy and rosemary above the fireplace and around the room.  It was only Christmas day so no greater festivity was needed.  Epiphany, the twelfth day of Christmas on January 6
, was the main day of celebration to be marked with plenteous cakes and other baked foods of a goodly sort.
“And where have you hung the mistletoe?” Colonel Fitzwilliam inquired of Georgiana when he entered the drawing room.
His teasing was taken in good humour by Georgiana for although shy, she was also a good natured, amiable girl and eager to please.  The mistletoe – hanging from the mantlepiece strait in front of the Colonel – was pointed out and he was obliging enough to salute her on the cheek.  These formalities disposed of, the rest of the evening was spend in a pleasurable fashion playing spillikins.  The party broke up shortly after eleven o'clock when Georgiana professed herself to feeling tired.  The Colonel retired soon after and Mr. Darcy was left to solitary contemplation.
Colonel Ftizwilliam would have found great interest in his thoughts for they turned to the “fine eyes” which he had mentioned earlier that evening and then to the possessor of those eyes.  Such thought was dangerous for her connexions were undoubtedly objectionable and matrimony must be out of the question. He would resolve to think of her no more, a resolution which should be easily kept as they must never meet again, now that he had quit Hertfordshire.  How many such resolutions have been made and how few of them are kept!  Mr. Darcy had no inkling of Elizabeth's forthcoming trip to Kent, at a time which would coincide with his and Colonel Fitzwilliam's own journey to Rosings. It was in this state of ignorance that his firm resolve was made and being quite decided, he was able to snuff out the candles and retire to bed, thus concluding Christmas day at Permberley.

Slight delay...

Our apologies, everyone, but the short story contest conclusion is postponed to next year.

Well, January 1st, anyway.

Thank you for your patience, if indeed you are being patient, and we don't blame you if you aren't-- isn't it always a little funny when people thank you for patience when they really have no idea whether you actually are feeling patient? So thank you anyways for not yelling at us for our negligence. ;)

Or extreme busyness, as the case actually is.  (Life on Miss Marianne's part, at least, should be slowing way down sometime next week.)

Hope you all had a marvelous Christmas, and enjoy the festivities tonight, and we'll be back in 2014!

~Miss Dashwood and Miss Marianne